October presents an opportunity to raise awareness about domestic violence (intimate partner violence), during Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

The CDC reported that “approximately 41% of women and 26% of men experienced contact sexual violence, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetime and reported a related impact.” Additionally, “over 61 million women and 53 million men have experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime.” (https://www.cdc.gov/intimate-partner-violence/about/index.html#cdc_behavioral_basics_quick-quick-facts-and-stats). 

Whitney Coleman, LICSW, LCSW-C, owner of Jade Clinical Services provides mental health services to women of color who are experiencing life transitions, anxiety, and trauma. She highlighted some complexities related to escaping domestic violence.

A lesser-known fact is that domestic violence is an ongoing situation.  

“Even if one leaves the relationship, the abuse might continue for months or even years in the form of harassment/threats, stalking, or financial abuse. If one has to get a divorce, the abuser might also try to control and manipulate the survivor via finances and court dates for an extended period,” Coleman stated.

Domestic violence is not always physical.

A range of behaviors qualify as domestic violence with the purpose of controlling a partner, which includes economic, sexual, psychological, and emotional abuse, according to Coleman. Technological, cultural, religious/spiritual, and physical abuse can be linked to domestic violence.  

“Formally, it is defined as a pattern of abusive behavior in an intimate relationship to gain power and control over the other person,” Coleman added. 

Reasons why victims of domestic violence stay with abusers can be tied to practical barriers.

Coleman confirmed that substantive resources, such as shelter to help domestic violence victims, are limited. 

“Some only have space for single women, some for families, a few for those with differing abilities, and most do not accept pets. Additionally, many shelters are made for shorter-term stays, and while they are supposed to help people figure out longer-term plans, there is not enough ongoing support long-term to address housing; mental health; finances; childcare; clothing; home furnishings; and etcetera.”

She added that people can help victims of domestic violence by providing tangible support in terms of money, childcare, housing, transportation, and jobs. Support will be required for an extended period. A survivor could also need emotional support. However, many people who have experienced domestic violence return to their abusers soon after they leave due to a lack of resources. Financial dependency may cause individuals to stay because they rely on the abuser for full or partial financial support. 

“Respect their decision and do not pressure them to leave until they are ready. Instead, provide a safe place for them to process and store things in the interim,” Coleman noted.

Isolation, including having a lack of transportation or even a way to work, can be another reason a victim of domestic violence might stay until they can figure out a way to leave. Finally, feelings of shame, especially for those who are well-educated or hold higher-powered professional positions, are another reason people stay.  

“They fear the response from others or being judged by others or even staying to avoid hearing what others might have to say,” Coleman said.

Even if a domestic violence victim has left his or her abusive partner, seeking therapy can still be helpful. 

Coleman explained that therapy allows a survivor to process their grief over the loss of a relationship, even if it was abusive, conflicting thoughts and feelings over the relationship, and trauma.  

“It also allows the survivors to begin working on self-esteem, learn healthy relationship dynamics, and address behavior patterns such as avoidance and mistrust, which could cause issues in future relationships,” she added.

Are therapists usually mandated reporters? 

Coleman mentioned that therapists are mandated by law to report a suspicion of abuse or neglect. 

“This applies to children, those who are disabled, or the elderly.  However, when it comes to domestic violence, unless there is an imminent danger, therapists are not obligated to report it. This is because when you enter into a relationship, it is considered between two consenting adults,” Coleman explained.

She noted that this varies by state. For example, California, Colorado, Kentucky, New Hampshire, and Rhode Island mandate the reporting of domestic violence in various degrees. Maryland does not require reporting for domestic violence, only child/vulnerable adult and elder abuse.

“In general, if there is an imminent threat of serious harm to the client or others, therapists are required to break confidentiality to report it,” Coleman said.

Coleman provides virtual services in Washington DC, Maryland, Virginia, Florida, and Texas. She has worked in a domestic violence shelter and in child welfare, investigating cases of abuse/neglect, including domestic violence. Visit https://www.jadeclinical.com to learn more about Jade Clinical Services. Follow Coleman on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/whitney.bellinger.